There appears to be an eternal confusion between Assertive and Aggressive behaviours.

You often find Leaders who usually want to be Assertive for-

• Performance
• Behaviour
• Poor Team skills
• Blameworthy Mistakes
• Non-responsiveness
• Missing timelines
• Upholding of Values
• And others

However in most cases the behaviour experienced by the teams is Aggressive, often causing misunderstandings and relationship breakdowns…..Aggressive behaviours manifest when we

• Keep the focus on Self – how we are feeling offended, feeling disobeyed, or annoyed about something we didn’t receive, and how Our expectations were not met etc.
• When we are Inconsiderate – often not Listening or showing Empathy to understand the situation / the employee
• We are so sure that these are excuses, we start Blaming others
• When we Demonstrate domineering or threatening Body language which is not acceptable, and creates toxicity that lingers..

Any or all the above can turn the situation in favour of the receiver, often losing valuable opportunity for increasing self-awareness, reflection for triggering change, and drawing meaningful boundaries by remaining respectful. We can unintentionally create the risk of losing the relationship, and the offender may get a free pass to manipulate the situation by escalating the matter etc.

Assertion on the other hand manifests when..

• The Manager remains solution-focused
• Is respectful even as they share discordant information. Labelling how they feel about being let down, or disappointed is a great way to use the situation to Connect and Clarify. Leveraging Social and Emotional intelligence, remaining centered is Key to Not miss the opportunity for mutual learning and ensuring the message has been delivered with respect.

The Manager is often the only one in the occupational Intimacy space, is poised for considerable influence for changing behaviour, improving performance and role modelling good People management!

We find most Leaders struggle when they want to be Assertive and end up manifesting Aggressive behaviours instead, often losing the opportunity for positively impacting Change and Improvement – remaining in a tangle of confused interpersonal interactions.

Capstone’s Fulcrum – the People Management program clarifies these and other polarities, that can manifest Adult transactions and can help build more Leaders…what have been your experiences on Assertive vs Aggressive behaviours? Do you experience this confusion? How are you grooming your leaders to develop Positive Assertion to influence teams?